Today is my daughter's last day at school.
It hit me all at once. I was ecstatic and more than ready for her first day of preschool (as was she). Daily mass was a blessed product of being hands free, mind free not having to discipline a bouncing, energetic toddler even for just 30 minutes. A child with a hearing deficiency (I kid). Aaaah, blessed freedom! A couple days into my 3 hour "freedom" sessions I would wander a little lost, unsure of what to do or where to go. Then I slowly figured out what to do and try to be productive and run my errands while I could. Still I would have those days of feeling lost every time I had to leave my child's classroom after signing her in or whenever I'd help out in class.
Then today. I knew it would be her last day of Preschool. She knew it. We all were aware. I notice other moms whipping out their phones, taking photos, bringing out the big guns. The classroom looking so bare, so white. The teacher gives me a bag of my darling girl's art projects and other memorabilia from her first year of school. I greedily look through it all at home and am immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia. I go about my usual routine trying to cram as much in but still spend quality time with my other baby. Suddenly out of nowhere comes pick up time. I leave early because I don't want to miss a thing. I arrive first and take my phone out so I can preserve the last day of preschool in a video. All the others are taking videos and photos as well. We have a photo op right then and there. I try not to break down and appear successful at first then my daughter hands me her bag and runs off to play. I come over to thank the teachers quickly but, dangit, a lump has formed in my throat and a waterfall begins to leak as I inch away. There's so much to say and still so much to DO still but seemingly no time in the world because all of a sudden my daughter is growing up. And here I am bawling (yes, BAWLING) my eyes out in front of the screen. BIG SIGH. T_T
I am so proud of you, love. My but how you've grown! Please don't ever change. You have amazing insight and are full of wisdom, love and joy. These are happy tears just for you.
Lord, it hurts to love. :) I would not have it any other way.
And as I continue to ponder upon all this I leave you with the soundtrack in my mind. Good night, world.
