Of Holding Hands and Daily Crosses

"She needed the help of a loving parent, and she was willing to receive that help from her loving Father."

This is a quote from an article written by Joseph F. Schmidt, FSC portraying the wisdom attained from St. Therese of Lisieux. Take the Short Route to God, Fr. Joseph writes. I find myself trying most desperately to do so. I am presently at a very personal struggle where there is almost a nightly ritual of frustration, pathetic attempts at patience, mortifying instances of falling from grace. It is the moment when all I hold dear is crumbling, the silence that will not give me peace, the wanting and the waiting for a whisper, a caress of the wind, a flash of lightning --- anything from God.

And yet I get a feeling that I've been too dramatic in my request. Be still, He said. Be still and know that I am God. 

Enter center stage the ever prevalent and persistent goal of daily mass. Been traveling a lot lately that it's messed up my body clock (Read: LAME because it's 2+ weeks old) and given me the perfect excuse to lie low. Or rather, lie in bed for a little while longer. Every night I tell myself I will wake up early and head on to mass. I wake up just in time to make it anyway so why waste that opportunity? Wasted Opportunity = Very UNfruitful Day. I had all the pushing and prodding I could take last night, i.e. broke down and finally headed out again today. Been such a control freak lately that running late would automatically equate me with an instantaneous foul mood. Hence, not even attempting to go to mass. Hence, lazy bones. Thank goodness for being able to go today. I can breathe a little bit easier now that I've a clean slate from confessing. I've gotten that gulp of fresh air after thrashing around getting cut in shallow reef water post-panic. Huh. Never thought of it that way before. Ask me about snorkeling in Hanauma Bay some other day.

Just three simple things I need to get me through the week.

1. Daily Mass
2. Holy Rosary
3. Date with God, i.e. Visit the Blessed Sacrament

The third task is admittedly the hardest because my pre-schooler cannot stay still or quiet. It is not a question of one or the other... they are a package deal. Hence the truly pathetic attempts at patience. (I'm loving the word hence today.) The only silver lining to that dark cloud is this: my little one asks me relevant questions about our Catholic faith. She is interested. She is concerned. She is soaking it all in. I thought she was being difficult but all along I've had 4 fingers pointing to myself.

I think I'm ready to hold Your hand, Father God.